From time to time I will add thoughts and ideas here to help you think about your strengths and coping.
Forgiveness
I once blurted out to client, after she told me how she was excluded from knowing that her farther was dying; “That’s unforgivable!”. In this case my unprofessional expression of my feeling was affirming for my client who felt the same.
From time to time clients and others raise the issue of forgiveness. They often ask if they should forgive someone who has harmed them, or if forgiving someone will lead to reconciliation.
To me forgiveness as an act of volition or choice in which an individual claims agency over an event by deciding whether it is good for them to forgive the offender. I define forgiveness as the choice to give up on justifiable anger.
Someone might want to give up on that anger so that it they are free of a harming and unproductive feeling. ON the other hand, they may find the anger energising in making positive change in their life. It may simply be the harm feels like to much and they feel they can’t forgive.
Reconciliation can happen without forgiveness – “I can’t forgive you bu tit is important to me that this relationship continues” – and forgiveness may not lead to reconciliation – “I have forgiven you. I am no longer angry but I still don’t want to be close to you” .
Atonement or apology can be used to pressure the victim to forgive. An apology is acknowledgement of the wrong, it doesn’t buy forgiveness.
Individuals may be pressured by family, belief systems or organisations to forgive; only the victim has the right to decide whether they will take that difficult step
Journaling has a range of benefits. Just writing a few minutes a day may help you reduce stress, boost your well-being, and better understand your thoughts, feelings and needs. It can also highlight how thoughts and feelings affect your behaviour.
Journaling provides a concrete method for learning who we are and identifying what we need. Discovering or disclosing your thoughts and feelings as you journal, may help to reduce stress and improve your emotional communication.
Take your journaling seriously. Use a notebook just for that purpose and keep it in the same place all the time. Write rather than type. Handwriting is a more complex activity that typing and it involves more neural pathways in the brain; handwriting is remembered better than typing and there is evidence that it also involves more pathways in the brain areas related to emotion. I also keep a nise ‘journalling pen’ just for that.
Anchor your Journaling
If you like structure, journal at the same time every day. For example write your thoughts when you first wake up or at the end of the day before bedtime.
You can also anchor your Journaling to a well-established habit to make it more likely you’ll stick with it. For example, journal:
before you go to bed
when you’re in line for a bus, train or other queue
early morning before your day starts
Explore a prompt
If you’re not sure how to start, or when you aren’t sure what to journal about, a prompt can help .
Go out into nature, and write about the experience.
Describe something you fear doing and why.
Describe something you love doing and why.
Describe yourself, including your personality and roles at work and home. Then describe yourself from the perspective of a close friend or family member.
Have an audience in mind
Whether you plan to share your journal, or if you see it as entirely private and never to be shared, it can help to write it as if there is a particular person (friend, partner, family member) you are explaining your feelings to.
Connect the dots
To sharpen your self-awareness, you can jot down your feelings around a specific situation, day to day. For example, you might simply write:
This is what happened today.
I’m experiencing these feelings about it.
I’m thinking these thoughts.
Make it last
To create a lasting journaling habit, start with several minutes — or more, depending on your preference. In your journal, you can explore something that’s bothering you, write about the present moment, or play with a prompt.Journaling has a range of benefits. Just writing a few minutes a day may help you reduce stress, boost your well-being, and better understand your thoughts, feelings and needs. It can also highlight how thoughts and feelings affect your behaviour.
Journaling provides a concrete method for learning who we are and identifying what we need. Discovering or disclosing your thoughts and feelings as you journal, may help to reduce stress and improve your emotional communication.
Take your journaling seriously. Use a notebook just for that purpose and keep it in the same place all the time. Write rather than type. Handwriting is a more complex activity that typing and it involves more neural pathways in the brain; handwriting is remembered better than typing and there is evidence that it also involves more pathways in the brain areas related to emotion. I also keep a nise ‘journalling pen’ just for that.
Anchor your Journaling
If you like structure, journal at the same time every day. For example write your thoughts when you first wake up or at the end of the day before bedtime.
You can also anchor your Journaling to a well-established habit to make it more likely you’ll stick with it. For example, journal:
before you go to bed
when you’re in line for a bus, train or other queue
early morning before your day starts
Explore a prompt
If you’re not sure how to start, or when you aren’t sure what to journal about, a prompt can help .
Go out into nature, and write about the experience.
Describe something you fear doing and why.
Describe something you love doing and why.
Describe yourself, including your personality and roles at work and home. Then describe yourself from the perspective of a close friend or family member.
Have an audience in mind
Whether you plan to share your journal, or if you see it as entirely private and never to be shared, it can help to write it as if there is a particular person (friend, partner, family member) you are explaining your feelings to.
Connect the dots
To sharpen your self-awareness, you can jot down your feelings around a specific situation, day to day. For example, you might simply write:
This is what happened today.
I’m experiencing these feelings about it.
I’m thinking these thoughts.
Make it last
To create a lasting journaling habit, start with several minutes — or more, depending on your preference. In your journal, you can explore something that’s bothering you, write about the present moment, or play with a prompt.
